Along the coastline of Cape of Good Hope
An early "Happy Thanksgiving" greeting to you this week. I hope you'll have a wonderful holiday, experiencing gratitude for the many blessings you've received and for the many misfortunes you've avoided! 😄
Today's newsletter was initially on the Amp Coil, but then I read this excerpt from Ensouling Language, "Moments of duende fulfill a basic need in human beings. At their emergence, people are held in the embrace of some deep and exceptionally real meaning.
"...'It is a restoration of the holy to everyday life...It brings to old planes unknown feelings of freshness, with the quality of something newly created, like a miracle, and it produces an almost religious enthusiasm'.
"The job of the writer is to travel into wilderness and bring back meaning in buckets made of words, to give it as drink to the thirsty, to slake the thirst of those who have lived isolated for too long inside their own houses, to give them the living experience of wild water. Duende" (Stephen Harrod Buhner, pg 87).
His profound words pricked my higher conscience. So, setting aside my completed newsletter on the Amp Coil (I'll probably send it out next week) and my reluctance to be real about Thanksgiving, I decided "to travel into the wilderness to bring back meaning in buckets made of words" as Buhner advised and share some reflections on my nonconformist Thanksgiving plans.
Duende. I hope you'll enjoy it.
Have a safe, happy, and delicious, Thanksgiving holiday!
Thanks, But No Thanks:
A Nonconformist's Thanksgiving Plans
Thanksgiving, like every other holiday, has gotten a makeover as I evolved over the years.
Take, for example, Halloween. I evolved from handing out "healthy goodies," which even I refused to eat, to giving out quarters. I keep the coins in a black box with elaborately carved skulls on its lid and open it when kids come to the door. I love their eyes widening in surprise, their eager fingering of the coins, and their joyful shouting to parents, "She's giving money!" I love how I can make Halloween special for children without poisoning them (or feeling guilty over poisoning them) with sugar.
When it comes to Thanksgiving, I know there's nearly a sacred duty to create the ideal experience: family gatherings, hours of preparation, an abundance of food (roast turkey being central), and of course, binging until one nearly bursts. I didn't have this cultural ideal when I lived in Taiwan, but later when I immigrated to Utah, my parents adopted American customs, and we feasted during Thanksgiving like everyone else.
But life changed over the years. First, I decided to sever some unhealthy family relationships. Second, I went through a divorce and became single. Then, I lost touch with a close friend of 20+ years as we went down different paths. My amazing kids grew older and moved to different states where they attend college or work over the holidays. Finally, last year, I decided to leave the Church that I'd been a member of for over 48 years. With that, I uprooted a sizable social network that I could no longer, in good conscience, be a part of.
I know. Lots of people embrace or condone dysfunctional, abusive family relationships; misogynistic, homophobic, racist, dishonest religions; and unhappy, unfulfilling marriages to manage some kind of gathering of sorts for Thanksgiving. Just a little denial for the holidays. After all, it's for the sake of belonging. I, on the other hand, can not. Not even for the sacrosanct Thanksgiving rituals that people cherish.
Anyway, this is why Thanksgiving dinners have become smaller over the years for me--like, down to just me, myself, and I. I prefer to view it as a transitional period when obsolete relationships and community connections are cleared out and healthier relationships and communities are added (conscientiously) into my life. I want to honor the courage it took to choose to expand and grow beyond what my social environment would have allowed. I try to have compassion for myself as I navigate Thanksgiving, even though it may feel awkward or embarrassing (to mention to others, mostly).
So, what're my plans for Thanksgiving? Well, I decided to try something new this year. I ordered Thanksgiving dinner from Whole Foods because I didn't want to focus on the cooking part, though I enjoy the eating part very much. I definitely want to devote the day to feeling gratitude through meditation, journaling, talking to my 20-something kids and other relatives (on the phone), and listening to music. I will enjoy my Thanksgiving feast but will try not to overeat. I will probably spend the day writing (a poem? work on my book proposal?), reflecting, and being out in nature.
Most of all, I want to spend the day in peace with Divine Source, stilling my mind enough to connect to the presence of love, joy, and goodness. This is the main relationship I want to make real, to take the front seat, as I drive down the road of weightless evolution.
I am looking forward to a wonderful, spiritual Thanksgiving, created to fit my current situation, with the kind of pomp and circumstance that honors my personality, choices, and priorities.
I hope that your Thanksgiving will be beautiful and full of love and joy, even if you choose to spend it alone, and that sharing my plans will destigmatize Thanksgivings that differ from society's conventional expectations for celebrating this holiday.